9 years ago today

Nine years ago, Election Day fell on November 4.

I never made it out to the polls. I was too wrapped up in a huge life event to fathom it.

NJ was in a gubernatorial race. The man I would’ve voted for ended up winning. I numbly watched the results from the guest bedroom at my dad’s house with my grandparents.

I was too tired to cry anymore. Too afraid to feel anything but numb because I knew ghat would start everything all over again and I was too tired to try and handle all of those waves.

That’s my catalyst day. The day my life changed forever. The day everything changed forever.

I think about it now in terms of a butterfly effect. If she hadn’t passed, I do think Hubby and I still would’ve been married, because we were already dating for a long while. But we likely would’ve been married in a church. We may not have ever moved out of NJ to NC.

We may never have had Witchlette.

Putting it all into perspective…I still can’t say I’m glad she passed. Because I’m not. I am, however, glad at how I’ve grown since then and how far I have come.

Today, nine years ago on a Tuesday, is the day my baby sister passed. The day I started to lose all sense of self and all sense of sanity and when I lost a bit of a will to live. Obviously, I have slowly gained it back to it’s now full beyond capacity state.

May you continue to Rest In Peace, Peanut. I love you always.