Perhaps it’s a complement?

I’ve got a troll.

My very own, perhaps? Though he has been known to also go after others so I guess a number of us share him.

Still, he was someone who years ago, I respected. Then something happened and his writing went off the deep end. Like, dark corners of the internet that one has to know where they are to find them off the deep end.

Since the beginning of September, I have written 13 posts. Not too shabby for a full time teacher and mother of two young, happy, active kiddos. He has taken personal offense at two of these posts, both political in context, and decided to shed some hate on my perspective.

A quick search to defining an internet troll leads to this list of five traits, of which he hits four.

I see you. I hear you. You sound hurt, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that someone hurt you so deeply that you morphed in such a huge way. I’m sorry you feel such intense anger and pain. I hope you find peace.

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Election reflection

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Some of the most famous documents of our country include these beautiful phrases. But what they say is not what they mean.

The Declaration of Independence, for instance.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all [white, land-owning (i.e. rich)] men are created equal…

The Preamble of the US Constitution, as another

We the [white, male, land-owning (i.e. rich) People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union…

Amendments and decisions have been made which changes the interpretation of the words, bringing it more inclusive than it was originally written to be. Bringing the documents forward in time. Showing progress.

Yesterday, the country proved that we are continuing to chip away at things. That we are continuing to move in the right direction.

Not only is the future female, but it is darker and queerer. It encompasses multiple faiths. It is a reflection of the real America. Of my America. Of the nation I love. My nation is not rural white good ol’boys. They’re a part of it, but they’re not the whole store. My nation has some country and has some flavor. Lots of flavor.

But this is just the start. Congress has gone from 20% female to 22% female. The country is projected to go to minority white by 2045. My children will be well into their adulthood in a [hopefully] fully inclusive society. They have friends and classmates from all walks of life. They don’t bat an eye at friends having two dads or their beloved daycare director and her wife. They are being raised in a minority faith in a world of Christians.

Speaking of…

The GOP represents the rich, white, Christian male populous who is trying to hold onto what the country was originally founded as. But that’s not who we are anymore. We haven’t been, socially, that in a long time. It’s about time our government representatives started to catch up. They seem to be doing whatever they can to make folks feel as though their view doesn’t matter. My dear J, high school senior who didn’t vote because all the stuff on TV made him feel like it wouldn’t matter. His little voice doesn’t matter. Their disenfranchisement worked for him this time. I hope I broke through to him for next year. And the year after.

The tides are turning.

Each crashing wave is eroding away the old, jagged rock.

Keep putting drops in the bucket.

Keep the floods flowing.

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Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the last day.

The last day to show up.

The last day to prevent any further set back.

The last day to stand up against hate.

The last day to do what’s right.

Many of us already committed this act.

Witchlette and I voted early before going trick or treating at Target two weeks ago.

I have my trepidation. Fears for fraud have been sown so deeply in some areas, that wins my not be seen as win and concessions may not happen.

We shall see.

The work is not over.

There is much rebuilding to be done.

My drop in the blue wave has been added.

Everything to everyone

Everyone pressures everyone else. I pressure all of those around me…Hubby, Little Witches, Mom, students, colleagues, friends… I want everyone to be the best them at all times because I selfishly want the best them for myself.

This is not meant out of callousness and is not done directly, outside of disciplining the Little ones who sometimes need redirection.

I feel the pressure from everyone too. Be the best Mother, Wife, Teacher, Friend, Witch…

I allowed this pressure to internalize, as I allow most everything to internalize. I’m an internalizer. Something around me goes wrong and I see myself as a failure. I allowed this pressure to continue to push myself. I found myself going in circles. Although, I guess it was more of cycles. I really enjoy something, so I am going to do it more often. Yet, that means I will be unable to do something else. There’s always a give and take.

I really like attending Full Moon rituals, book club meetings, trivia night as part of the 3 Hot Mamas…I also love snuggling with my kids while they laugh at cartoons, spending time sitting at the kitchen table with Hubby in the quiet night and just talking, coming home from a busy day at work to a clean house because the time was put towards that cleaning the night before.

I wanted to have it all. I figured out ways to have it all, but having it all was exhausting. So I found myself internalizing and just snuggling in. I have gone through this cycle about 4 times since Witchling was born. Having it all, until it all becomes too much work and just focusing on what’s best.

Some friends mention how long it’s been, and I enjoyed the event, so I feel this pressure to do more again. And so it goes until it doesn’t go anymore.

Last Monday, I had an unfiltered moment with my dearest S where I said I was going to be pulling back from some things not because I feel like I have to because I have overwhelmed myself again, but rather because I want to. Because It’s better this time because I don’t feel like I am losing myself in the kids. I don’t feel like the kids are my only “thing”. They just have so much going on and I want to be there for all of it, and everything else gets put on the side. Because one day everything else will still be there, in one form or another, and they won’t. Heck, they’ve already grown so much.

There would be heartwarming moments that I would miss. Moments like tonight when Witchlette, who is battling a small cold, coughed. Witchling, without prompting or asking and in less than five seconds after her cough, stood up and got her his water cup. Because when you cough, drinking helps. And because he genuinely is concerned for her. Because he genuinely cares.

Moments like this are the little bits that I would be sacrificing. That I have been sacrificing. That I try to convince myself that it’s ok to do so.

And sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s necessary because responsibility calls away.

As the sun continues its journey and we dive further into the dark half of the year, I am getting my hygge on and reveling in my nights at home.

From the minds, hands, and mouths of babes

Last night, after about an hour of trick-or-treating, with an almost full the the brim, too heavy for him to carry bucket, Witchling was beginning to show his tiredness. It was 15 minutes after his usual bedtime but he wasn’t ready to give in yet. We approached the next house and he was asked by the neighbor, “How are you this evening?”

He shrugged and responded with the innocent honesty of a three year old, “I’m just here for the candy.”

The neighbor and I both laughed to hard. He got to take an extra piece from her bowl.

Witchlette, on Tuesday at school, made a trick-or-treat sack on a white paper bag. Apparently I was an inspiration for her.

My heart has melted twice quicker than MnMs in my mouth.

Our Samhain

Sometimes, as a parent, one has to get creative with timing.

I have explained the veil between worlds, the invisible curtain as Witchlette calls it, ever so slowly begins to open at Manon and is fully opened at Samhain, then ever so slowly begins to fully close by Yule.

Samhain is Halloween and Halloween means trick-or-treating, not talking about dead relatives sitting at home with Mom or at ritual at Church.

Halloween is fun, life, costumes. Halloween is childhood Magick on an immense scale.

So, last night, All Hallow’s Eve eve, we set out table and made offerings to our beloved dead.

I started with my paternal grandfather, and I mentioned my sister, though I did not yet share details. Witchlette immediately went to Hubby’s paternal grandfather. Witchling followed suit with his sister, and Hubby offered to his dad.

Poor Witchling wanted to give an offering to his own grandpa, but we had to explain this ritual was only for dead people.

Both kids gave offerings to my mom’s dog, D, who died when Witchling was still in diapers. They went through all of their grandparents and ancestors beyond from all of the known countries of origin. Witchlette happily did Hubby’s mom’s side from Poland.

Witchlette also left a final offering to the friend of a friend who recently passed. His absence is fresh and painful to the living and she wanted to offer peace in any way possible.

Last night was our first real family Samhain. Tonight is Halloween.

Ancestral View?

My daily prayers to Frigg involve mostly kennings. They are less prayers to her, asking her for something, and more meditations focusing on her energies. The ultimate goal, for me, is to be the best mother and wife I can be, and feeling her walking with me on my path of being my best me and honoring the local spirits and my ancestral spirits along the way.

Some of the kennings:

Spinner of the Clouds

Keeper of the Stars

Singer of the Web

Weaver of the Way

Mother of the Light

Bride of the Wind

Keeper of the Keys

Friend of Mothers

Protector of Children

Defender of Families

Lady of the Sun

Friend of Families

Matron of Marriage

Looking at and unpacking each one, starting with the most obvious.

• Keeper of the Keys

As the Queen of the Aesir, Frigg keeps keys to each of the halls, just as the lady of the house would keep the keys for each of her places. The number of keys were a power and status symbol.

• Friend of Mothers, Matron of Marriage, Defender of Families

Despite nearly every other goddess having children, Frigg is the only one known for motherhood specifically. Nana has Forsetti, Sif has at least Ullr and Thrud…but none of them are motherhood personified. She is also, despite others being married, the only goddess known for marriage. Others have love, romance, and sex…but Frigg is specifically marriage. By having both in her wheelhouse, she becomes the defender of families.

• Spinner of the cloud, singer of the web, weaver of the way.

Frigg is most known for spinning, both clouds in the sky, especially the light wispy ones, as well as spinning fates. It is with cruel irony that she knows the fates of all, including her Balder yet remains silent. I often ponder if she knew all of the details…that there was nothing she could actually do to prevent it, but she could also do nothing at all, so she  does what she can, knowing it will be fruitless and remaining silent.

• Protector of Children

The two above pieces weave together to make Frigg the protector of children. Not only does she walk with mothers, but she watches over children. Her role increases to protector, as one can imagine after going through a traumatic experience, it becomes a person’s beacon. The most vocal proponents for a movement have often gone through it themselves- MADD, Everytown, etc.

• Lady of the Sun, Mother of the Light, Bride of the Wind, (Keeper of the Stars)

Here is where the ancestors part comes in.

We’re going to go back eons, to the earliest Germanic peoples first putting together language and attempting to make sense of the world around them.

This yellow disc is here. We can see. We have more warmth. The yellow disc is in the sky. Sometimes the yellow disc is surrounded by clouds. Sometimes it is covered with clouds. The yellow disc is there and warm. The yellow disc goes away, and tiny white dots appear. We can’t see. The yellow disc comes back, and we can see again. We can see because of light.

I’ve written before about Frigg being a Sun Goddess. She is the Sun, and she gives birth to the Light. She resides in the Sky, which is one with the Wind. She dictates when then stars may be out, as their keeper.