I’ve been on this account since January 2012.
Making a blog to document my journey and give me something tangible to reminisce with was the New Year’s Resolution for that year.
That’s over six years of being a public Pagan through writing.
I began officially walking my path 2006-2007. I was definitely a Baby Pagan at that time, but I was always more or less out- like now, open but not advertising.
I want to say I was a Baby Pagan until 2012. Starting this blog definitely helped me develop my spiritual roots. I was still trying to figure out exactly what my role is in this great thing called life until 2013- when Witchlette was born.
My ebb and flow with the Pagan community has been exactly that- an ebb and flow. When life’s other responsibilities get in the way, I ebb. I give up time from practice and I use that time towards other matters. I focus more on momming, on wifeing, on keeping house, and teaching…and lately on moving and settling. I try to put Magickal intentions onto everyday mundane tasks, but at times even those thoughts get put to the side.
It’s a habit, like everything else. And some habits take longer to form while others take longer to break.
Karmatically, though, I feel I am learning the same lesson over and over again. I keep coming back to the same spot. I keep coming back to instilling the same habits. Around the same time of year. I carry them through the spring and into the summer. I ride them high into the autumn, and I lose them through the winter.
Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to go. Maybe I’m supposed to be in hibernation mode through the winter, focusing more on home life and keeping a balance through the cold. It is definitely easier to “be” Pagan when one can comfortably engage in Nature. And when Nature isn’t hibernating itself.
I can see in myself why my ancestors clung so closely to the Sun. Why Patrick was able to trick my Grandfather’s people into conversation by placing the Sun atop the cross and making the Celtic Cross. I see why there was panic over Ragnarok with my Grandmother’s people- how the shortness of days makes everything feel harder. It may not actually be harder, it just feels that way.
The lull between Yule and Ostara is probably the hardest part of the year for me. The joys of the dark winter time have passed, and it seems that more responsibility than normal is crammed into each day- perhaps it just feels that way with the shortness of the days.
Perhaps it was exacerbated this winter season when everything was compartmentalized and packed away. I can truly see why the first commandment in the Bible is having no images of any other gods. A physical presence makes for much easier spiritual work. I am so glad I have my altar totems back- everything just feels better when a physical presence of my gods are around.