That moment when…

I was openly out with my students in years past. I could trust my students. They had a lot more maturity and were much more open minded.

Then, the students who came to me as 9th graders were a lot less mature and that immaturity lead to them being more judgmental and critical. It lead to them seeming more close-minded about certain aspects. So, that left me with keeping my business to myself, no matter how relevant it may or may not be to the lesson.

When I came back to the classroom this fall, I knew that some students, again, could handle things about me and others could not. One of my classes knows that I am not Christian and my gods are not their gods; in this class, one of my students describes herself as atheist. In my other class, there are students who are much less mature and likely would not be able to handle certain things about me. I am not at all closeted- I wear two Mjolnirs and a Pentacle daily. I will happily describe myself as “polytheist”- completely true. I’m not worried to say, “I’m not Christian.” By the specific details…could lead to the wrong inference by some.

So, I don’t share. Even when it would be semi-relevant, like while we were reading The Crucible. Even though I included the following slide for discussion:

One of those students is highly observant and put 1 + 1 + 1 together to equal my teacher is a Witch.

He came to me yesterday morning, before class started, and asked point-blank: “Are you a Witch?”

I was not expecting the question.

“What makes you think that?”

“You wear that star everyday. That is a Witch’s star. So are you a Witch?”

“My religion is not Christian, no. And there is a reason why I dress up in the same costume every year for Halloween?”

“So you are a Witch?”

“What do you think?”

“Yes.”

“The reason why I don’t tell everyone is because some people think that Witches are evil. You’ve known me before you knew my religion. Do you think I’m evil?”

“No.”

“Please get your bellringer done before the timer goes off.”

“Ok.”

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Return of Saturn

I am just now getting to a point where I am whole after my Return of Saturn.

Wait…what?

Return of Saturn is when the planet Saturn completes its solar orbit compared to the point where it was at the time of one’s birth. It takes 29 years for Saturn to complete one solar orbit so people typically experience two Saturn returns: late 20s (quarter life crisis) and late 50s (midlife crisis). The implications of a Saturn return can be felt a year or two before to a year or two after the actual return. Most folks feel it from 27-32 and 57-62. Apparently, it is a time when one is either riding high and feeling great with everything that could be wanted from life or it seems as though the whole universe is against you and you’ll never get there.

i am just now coming out of my Saturn return and, looking back upon that time frame, I was put through some tests.

At 26, I was told I would never have kids- the only thing in life I ever really wanted. I went through surgery and infertility treatment through my 27 to bring Witchlette shortly after my 28th birthday. At 29, I learned Witchling was on the way and he arrived a bit after my 30th. I dealt with postpartum issues, including suicidal images but not actual ideations, through my 31st and am now in year 32.

Life is good.

Hubby and I share the household load with him taking day to day chores- dishes, breakfast, lunch- and me taking “woman’s work”- kids’ stuff and housekeeping tasks.

since moving to North Carolina, I have struggled to establish a social group with folks who I share commonalities outside of vocational location. There have been folks I was close with, but due to life circumstances, time has caused a drift. As I got more involved in CotE, I have established friendships with folks who I want to go out of my way to see because of the joy of their company. I still feel pangs and triggers of PPD, and I do a lot of balancing to keep the, at bay. I have a great group of friends who understand social time beginning after bedtime or my kids coming along. Luckily, they like my little Witches.

Life is good.

I was doing some soul searching: what has driven my Gus far to the point where I am now?

in high school, I was one of the leaders of our school’s chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Atheltes. I was always driven my by spirituality and I have been a leader, so it makes sense that I am one of the Board members for CotE and a leader in my spiritual community presently.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. I always wanted to use sign language to make a difference in the lives of students who are Deaf. This year marks the end of my 9th year in education. The first 7 years we spent with Deaf students. The last two years have bee in an administrative role with all special needs students. Being an administrator is not something I ever saw myself doing. I am really good at the administrator aspects, but I was a really great teacher too. I miss the hustle and bustle of the classroom. I miss the lesson planning and the student engagement. I miss being a “teacher”. I thought the classroom was done with me, and I went into the administrative role. I was wrong. I put in a transfer back to my previous role as a Teacher of the Deaf.

My first return of Saturn complete. I personally have everything I ever wanted. It was an uphill to get here, but I made it. Hubby and my Things; I love them with all that I am. I professionally had everything I ever wanted, but I didn’t know it at the time. I see it now.