This time last year

7:50

Hubby and I had just finished putting Witchlette to bed. We reviewed the plan: wake up, go to school w Mom and Dad. After nap, Daddy will pick you up and bring you to the hospital to meet Brother. 

We went over everything again and again, making sure we had everything we needed ready to go…

9:45

I would not be allowed to eat breakfast in the morning (a thought that brought me dread) so I pushed off my hunger and made myself a big bowl of oatmeal to last me through the night and into the morning. 

10:30

Climbed into bed and very quickly drifted off to sleep, a feat that hadn’t happened [in bed] for months…

11:45

Awoke with a potty urge. Woah. What was that? Ok…clean up from potty urge. Woah. Stand, flush, walk back to bed. Woah. I’m in labor. 

Hubby didn’t believe me. 

Waited a few minutes, had another. And another. And another. 

Called doctor. Monitor time between. If erratic or more than 5 minutes apart, rest in bed. If 3 minutes or less apart, head in. Understand she was going in for a C-Section and wouldn’t be available to talk again for upwards of an hour. 

Waited. Timed. 

1 minute, 2 minutes, 1 minute, 3 minutes, 2 minutes, 3 minutes. Hubby this is active labor. 

…but I ate oatmeal…

…but the plan…

Woah. Right, never mind. 

Called mom to stay with Witchlette. She arrived, we left. Checked into triage. Same triage as with Witchkette, but without the bleeding and without the fear. 

Time to decide: V-BAC or C-Section, knowing risks of both. Oxygen levels dropped, time for C-Section. 

With the exact same nurses and anesthesia team as Witchlette. 

So much different. So calm. Engaging Hubby, a regret I had with Witchlette…to scared for her well-being to talk to him for the surgery. Just waited to hear her voice, her cry. None of that fear. Anticipation, yes, but no fear. 

2:04 Time of birth

I will never again be awake by choice for the time of your birth. 

This evening, I put you to bed, kissed you good night my baby boy. Tomorrow morning, you will awaken a year old. Tomorrow morning, I will kiss you good morning my big boy. 

But always my baby. 

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