What not to pass along

Published June 29, 2016 by Lunapo

Towards the end of the school year, lots of panic issues and lots of crunching happens as things that need to be done now have a very limited finite time to do them. Things can’t go out of compliance over the summer and folks get super stressed about having all areas in order befor leaving for their well earned 11 week reprieve. 

While the teachers under me were going through their panics, I remained calm and encouraged them not to worry. Everything would get done and any minor errors could and would be fixed at the beginning of the next school year. Don’t stress over it, because in the grand scheme of everything, it’s all meaningless. When something came across my plate, especially something where I had made a minor error and had the finite time to fix it before leave, stress insued. Not 5 minutes before, I had stated that nothing was worth stressing over and here I waspreaching but not practicing.  

Today is Witchlette’s 3rd birthday. We were going to be meeting Hubby at the birthday surprise at 4:45. Well, with two littles sleeping still at 3:30 and one who has to nurse, 4:45 quickly turned into 5:15 by accounts of my GPS. No big deal. Not too late. 

I had used my phone too much during the day and failed to charge it before leaving the house. About half way there, my 15% battery warning came on. And as I approached the exit ramp to get off the highway, the phone died. I had no idea where I was going and no way of contacting Hubby to ask for help. We got off the highway and I turned right. Shortly, I found a Vitamin Shoppewho graciously let ,e use the stores phone and I called Hubby to get directions. It was now 5:20 and he had been waiting since 4:45. Turns out I should have gone left at the exit ramp instead of right. Plus rush hour Raleigh traffic. 

As I reloaded myself and the kiddos back into the car, I was fuming mad- at myself. I was beating myself up merceliessly for this mistake- for the phone going out on me. For not bringing a plug. I was going to, but the cord end isn’t a typical USB so I had no way of connecting it to the car, so I didn’t bring it. And I failed epically. And I was ruining my daughter’s birthday. All because the phone died: I didn’t know where I was going, I was late, I didn’t think to write down the directions before we left. All of this in my head accounts to, “Stupid! stupid! Stupid!”

My only real mistake of the day: letting Witchlette see that. I have been actively working with her to make sure she understands what a big deal is and is not. Yesterday, after playing at a local gymnastics facility, Witchlette realized that she didn’t know where her socks were. Oh, the meltdown that ensued. We were one of two families there, and it would be easy to do a sweep and find them. And if we didn’t find them, they’re just socks. No big deal. 

But to her, it was catastrophic. 

Perhaps I have let my guard down. Too own and gotten mad at myself too much in front of her. Perhaps she has been me berate myself one too many times. 

One tag I did do that was good was I stopped , breathed, and said, “silly mommy. This is no big deal. We are on the way to the birthday surprise and it’s going to be great. Breathe. We’re headed the right way and will be there soon.”

And we were. And it was great. 

I need to practice what I preach with her to not pass this along any further. This is one part of me that I don’t wish on her.

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