The night I gave up?

Published May 18, 2016 by Lunapo

When j was pregnant with Witchlette, I swore I would never do a crib soother. Lights and music and distraction. Not for my kid!

I held firm on this with Witchlette, she has books in her bed. We started with plush books when she was a little over a year. She would read to herself to fall asleep and entertain herself by reading in the early morning. She was never an up in the middle of the night baby and with rare exceptions- not including the random 3am potty run- still isn’t.

With Witchling…I had to do something.

Witchling has been up 3-4 times a night to nurse. He’s stuffy? He’s teething? He’s hungry? He’s lonely?

I’m at a crossroads.

On one path, I only have a baby for 12 months. He’s 8 months old today. I want to snuggle and cuddle and hold and comfort at every moment. I want to love on him constantly. Compounding this is the working mom issues of all the time and cuddles I have not had with him for the past 6 months. All the bottles he’s had a daycare rather than going straight to the source.

On the other path, I’m exhausted. I need to sleep so I can function at work. So that I have more patience for both Witchlette and Witchling. So that I have something left to share with Hubby.

When Witchling is up 2+ times a night for many nights in a row, I stop looking forward to and enjoying the late night cuddles. I fight off feelings of resentment. And then the demons start creeping in: what kind of a piece of shit mother resents her baby?

So we bought a crib soother. It looks like a fish tank and either has water sounds or music and has lights with water effects or not. It also has a remote. I think I’m going to make Hubby in charge of the remote…

Witchling is able to turn it on and off, as seen tonight when I let him have a few minutes with it before I rocked him to sleep.

It’s almost 10pm now. If the pattern of the last few nights holds true, he’ll be up around midnight, 2, and 4. If he can just use the soother and work himself back to sleep for the middle wakeup, that alone will make a huge difference.

And hopefully with a few more hours, the demons will slink back away again.

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3 comments on “The night I gave up?

  • Every single parent goes through stuff like this, especially mothers. That fact that you are beating yourself up means you are a GREAT mother. Hang in there! It gets better.

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