I’ve written to post a few times. It always feels unfinished. More therapeutic to just write it and leave it in draft than to actually publish it.
There’s a lot that is different to time around. At times, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing even though I have done this before.
At first, I thought it was just the boy things, because I was so worried about an infection stating after his circumcision. But that healed and everything went all good. Hubby proved himself to be a better diaperer than me, until Witchling grew into our smallest cloths. Now we are on even ground. Breastfeeding is a tad more challenging this time around, at least I think it is. I don’t remember nursing Witchlette at this age. I remember the late night feedings, the quiet moments when it was just me, her, and the dog guarding the door. I remember the snuggles before she went back to bed. I remember one quite difficult night that ended just beautifully.
It’s also been difficult to write with my new time constraints, and it will likely remain that way for some time. When Witchling is awake, everything is turned off save for some music. We read books or play tummy time with the dogs. When Witchling is asleep in my arms, the phone is down and I am just soaking in all of his baby glory and savoring every moment of being with him at this young age. It’s when he is down and out that I am able to steal a moment for myself to do some blogging. When Witchlette is home, all bets are off, especially since I vowed during her infant years that she would not learn to see Mama past the white rectangle always held to Mama’s face. Of course, when she is happily playing by herself and Witchling is down and out, I may take a few minutes and scroll through my Facebook feed. But I don’t do anything that takes away enough of my attention that I can’t look up. It is really important for me to unplug from the idiot paperweight and plug in to my children.
When I go back to work, because like it or not there’s no way around it, I will be blogging over my lunch break on days when I am able to not work through lunch. I’ll blog after bedtime on nights when I am not a complete zombie by the time bed time rolls around. I actually slept through Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. last night.
Time is the biggest commodity in my world. If there was a way for me to pay for more time, I would in a heart beat. More time for my family. More time to connect with Hubby. More time to get together with friends.
Something’s gotta give, a few things actually. Many of them, however, have already started to fall back into place. I cooked dinner last night, for instance. (2/3 of dinner anyway…Hubby came home and finished it off). I am able to get on the floor and play with Witchlette. Last night, Hubby held Witchling and I got Witchlette ready for bed. I’m going back to Magick Circle on the morning of Samhain to lead the kids’ activity.
Still, something’s gotta give and it has been given for a long while now. It’s what Hubby and I have neither the time [nor patience and drive] for. We hit our collective cap and call it a day by the time we are finished in the kitchen.
Yep, the house is constantly a mess.
It wasn’t that way for a while. I found the Magick in the mundane and I started a plan. It ended with a smudging and blessing of the assigned room for the night. Keeping the Magick was the biggest motivator for me.
Earlier on in my pregnancy with Witchling, I was advised to keep things light. I tried one night to follow my 20-minute a room house cleaning plan (which works great once it’s implemented) with sweeping the floors downstairs and I ended up feeling some cramping. That was the last time I cleaned. Right now with Witchling’s schedule, cleaning is the last thing on our radar. We will get back to a place of “normalcy” and I will get back into the 20-minute a room/a night cleaning plan.
Or I could do the modern thing and start a gofundme account to hire a house keeper…