My goddess moment vs my reality

Published September 18, 2015 by Lunapo

So this is my cheater post which I wrote Wednesday evening in anticipation for this morning:

An early ultrasound with Witchlette showed placenta preevia- the placenta covered the cervix and made natural childbirth all but impossible. There were chances the situation could change and things were monitored. 
The whole time we were trying to conceive, I was determined to have a completely natural birth experience. Meditation, breathing, the ball, the shower. Hubby was all behind me. 

We kept checking scans and finally the cervix was clear and I could attempt the “Goddess Moment” birth. Then all hell broke loose and I had a C-section at 39 1/2 weeks. 

Upon learning I was pregnant with Witchling, I started re-dreaming of having the Goddess Moment. My placenta is in a good place, I was in a good place. 

Except…then I started spotting. And kept spotting into the third trimester. 

Except…then I read about VBAC births. I confirmed my reading with my doctor: I would be sitting or laying the whole labor, strapped to the fetal monitor. No ball, no shower, not even walking. 

No Goddess Moment. 

Taking a deep breath, I acknowledged that my soul is meant to be a Mama, but my body may not be fully able to be pregnant. 

Taking a deep breath, I acknowledged that one moment, one day, is much less important than the culmination of moments throughout the lives of my children. 

Taking a deep breath, I let go of my Goddess Moment. It wasn’t in the cards for me, and that’s ok. 

Taking a deep breath, I rest one hand on my daughter’s hand and the other on my swollen belly, right where my son’s bottom pushes outward. 

Taking a deep breath, we turn off the morning news and head to the car. Together, Hubby and I take Witchlette to school and head to the hospital. 

Yeah…that didn’t happen. 

Hubby and I had been telling Witchling for a few weeks that he had to wait for his birthday. Then all this week we said he had to wait til Friday. 

Apparently we weren’t specific enough. 

Last night at 11:30, I awoke to use the restroom. I had a contraction. Then another. I stood up and washed up but had another before I got to the door. Woke hubby, called doctor, timed the contractions, called mom. When mom arrived, we left. 

It was a fast and hard labor that saw Witchling’s numbers drop and me on oxygen. Even if I wasn’t looking at a c-section, one would’ve been done. There was talk of a general anesthetic if his numbers didn’t improve. My contractions were a minute apart and he couldn’t get a break. 

His numbers evened out with the oxygen and the OR was set up for us. One of the nurses was from Witchlette’s delivery. I was all set and ready. 

Witchling made his arrival Friday, September 18 at 2:04 am. He weighed in at 8lb 0oz and 20.25 in. 

As soon as I heard his cry, every wave of doubt was gone. 

Witchlette came to the hospital with Daddy in the later morning and was immediately smitten with her baby brother. He is her mini-me. They are not exact carbon copies, but they are very close. 

Watching Hubby hold and snuggle Witchling while helping Witchlette to bond with him…I fell in love with him all over again on a whole new level. 

Life is beautiful. 


9 comments on “My goddess moment vs my reality

  • I also was planning a natural birth and ended up with an emergency c-section. I was planning on going med-free, and even took a hypnobirth class and everything. But in the end my daughter was sitting on her cord. Some women are just destine to deliver via c-section, and all that matters in the end is that both mom and baby are healthy.

    I’m pregnant again. So far all is well, and I will be trying for a v-bac. But I’ll be ready to approach c-section with a way more positive outlook this time, if it goes down that way.

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