Life: redefined

Published December 24, 2013 by Lunapo

So it’s been quite a while. When I was on maternity leave, I decided every moment which Witchlette was awake was spent fawning over her. A wise choice I believe. Those moments when she napped, I typically napped too.

Then I went back to work, and life became one giant struggle.

I found myself in a pit of despair as everything was due and all was required of me and I don’t have the wherewithal to manage it all. My job became MORE demanding as my coworker left and was replaced with someone much less qualified. Someone frighteningly under qualified. So I’m doing my work load plus a good deal of hers. And I was given added responsibilities from the administration.

I LOVR being a mom. I was made to be a mom. I am a great mother. I’m a really good mom who works. I’m not a good working mom, and yes there is a big difference. I’m trying to keep my priorities in order, and it’s that Witchlette comes first. Period the end. I rarely bring work home. I will stay later at work, but it stays at work.

Notice anything missing there?

I’m talking a lot about my daughter. And a lot about my job.

I have yet to mention my husband.

And I have totally fell off the wagon of practicing Magick. Which is an art that needs to be fed. My ties to the spiritual world are very weak right now. And I know it. And my husband knows it.

I have been walking around with a mantra, a very pathetic mantra, which I have officially given up as of yesterday.

“I’m doing my best”. Scary thing is a voice in my head answered me in second person “your best isn’t good enough”. And I started to believe it. I’m not good enough.

I am beginning to let my job take time away from my daughter. And I’m completely failing my husband.

So he had an idea. A new mantra, based in my beloved Buffy-verse. “Want. Take. Have.”

I want to rebuild my ties to the divine. I want to…it’s not that it really needs rekindling because the fires not out…but to…to…I don’t know a word for it. To show more devotion to my husband. To show what we both know is there but has been overlooked by our shared adorable priority.

So he “ordered” that I begin meditating before bed. He won’t let me go to sleep until I do. (He only orders me around when it’s in my best interest and can I really say no to go meditate?) I requested that he join me. We did a chakra meditation. His first ever. He says he felt his crown tingle and it was the coolest thing.

I saw his heart chakra. I saw his love for me. For little old insignificant, unimportant me. It was like being engulfed in a supernova. It was overwhelming and I could barely continue.

He enjoyed meditating with me, and I figure reconnecting to Magick and feeding our passions at once is two birds with one stone 😉

We also now understand why sex was such a vital part to Magicks and why it can’t be forced but when it happens, it’s beautiful.

Blessed Be.

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