Today, April 30, 2013, is my baby sister’s 11th birthday.
I’ve written about her death before; her death drove me to my path. Changing my way of thinking saved my own life and helped me to start actually living again.
She was only on this mortal plane to see three birthdays. I have been holding this date sacred since April 30, 2006, the first one without her.
From 2006 to 2010, it was a day of grief and sorrow. If not for the wonderfulness to two friends, R and D, and their amazing children, today would still be a day of sorrow. It stopped being sorrowful in 2011:
Purple balloons (her favorite thing in her favorite color) with birthday cards from the boys attached, sent up to heaven for her. They formed a smiling face. At that moment, I knew she was at peace and I found myself at peace as well.
I still have my moments of sad, but they don’t last as long as they used to. And they aren’t as dark as they once were.
It is because of that moment that I am whole and able to be the mother I am meant to be without the emotional baggage of my sister’s death hanging over me like a dark cloud.
It’s because of my Path that I began to heal, found a new lease on life and went from surviving (going through the motions) to living (enjoying each day). And it’s because of these friends that I am able to LIVE all 365 days of the year. I no longer shut down on the day of her birth nor her death.
Happy 11th Birthday, M! You would’ve made a great Aunt to my little F!!!