I’ve been quiet for the past week.
Life got in the way.
Acceptance of death as a part of life was a huge part of my personal healing eight years ago. I’ve discussed before how my sister passing at the age of 3 (I was 20) was a huge moment in my life. It almost killed me, but in the end it made me stronger. Her death healed me and brought me to where I am today.
In at least one previous post, I talked about a very good relative who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Technically speaking, she was a distant relative. My step-mom’s cousin. But I’d known her since 7th grade. Her three children, one a year older than me, one my age, and one a few years younger, are closer to me than many of my first cousins. She was like an aunt, as if my dad had another sister.
When she was first diagnosed, her kids, knowing my spiritual nature and my tendency for homeopathic/Magickal healing, asked me to pray for her. I sent a box of: candles in two colors, candle holder, and an herbal sachet to New York. I also sent directions on visualization technique for banishing and drawing and lunar timing for each. With banishing, I instructed her to exhale and invision she was breathing out the cancer (almost like The Green Mile) and for drawing, she pulled in a white light of healing and tucked it into her belly. She completed the rituals twice a month with the supplies enclosed, she sent me pictures because she was so excited to have something that she could do, something she felt she could control, then bought more. She kept the sachet in her bra during the day and under the pillow at night.
She went in for surgery and had the whole tumor removed. Nothing remained. She was advised to undergo chemo anyway; as the doctor explained it: cancer is a roach infestation, through surgery they got all of the adults but now the chemo is to fumigate any remaining eggs.
She was feeling good, she was getting better. Until she wasn’t. The cancer came back with vengeance. It took over her whole body.
During her chemo struggles, I read an article about chemo. How it does more harm than good. How 9 times out of 10 it makes the cancer more aggressive. How it should not be used any further and the medical community should abandon it and find something better. During this time, my co-workers friend’s mother also lost her battle to pancreatic cancer. She was a homeopathic doctor herself and refused to undergo chemo. From diagnosis to death, she lived 7 years. And I mean lived. My aunt, however, lived for just over one. And most of that time was spent in a hospital bed, ill and in pain. But now is not the time to question anything. My aunt was a fighter, loved life and wanted to keep living. She went forward with every option she was given, from the Magickal to the medical.
She lost her battle this week. Her children are absolutely devastated. My heart breaks for them. Her two daughters who won’t have their mother at their sides when they marry, when they have children. Her son, who is already married, but won’t have his mom there when he and his wife are ready to begin a family.
I told her kids I would do a rite of passage ritual when it was time. I sent out a prayer to Heimdal and felt the warmth of the Rainbow on my shoulders. That night, I dreamt she was met in Paradise by her father and my sister.
I love you always, L. You are one of the best people to ever live. The world was a better place because you were in it, and I am a better person because I knew you.
Hug M for me.